Four Years of Grief

Why didnít you wait until I could say good-bye?
You tried so hard to make me regret
the decisions I made, to feel sorry
that I chose no longer to be lonely.
You used guilt and grief
to try to convince me I had no love

for you. But actually, Mom, my love
for you surpassed all you knew. All I wanted was to say good-bye.
Good-bye would have helped alleviate some of the grief
I feel. I donít regret the decisions I made, but I do regret
not getting there in time. Mike was with you, but were you lonely
for me and Chris? Iím sorry,

Mom. I tried. I honestly did. Iím sorry
I didnít get home in time to say I love
you before you crossed over. I wasnít alone, but I felt lonely.
All Iíd wanted to do was say good-bye,
to tell you my only regret
was we never said Iím sorry. My grief

is still so raw. Even after four years my grief
rubs against my grain. Will I ever stop being sorry?
When will I be able to put sorry and regret
away and only remember my love
for you? I wanted to say good-bye
Mom, but you left early, you left me lonely.

I miss calling and telling you about my life. Iím lonely
to share with you the ups and the downs. My grief
at not saying good-bye
stings, almost making me sorry
I ever cared, sorry I gave my love
to you. But, no. That is something I cannot regret.

I cannot allow regret
to make me so crazy, so lonely
that I rescind my love.
I do love you. More than you ever knew. My grief
is strong, but Iím not sorry
I love you, just sorry I didnít get to say good-bye.

Why do I let regret compound my grief?
I am lonely for you, Mom, and Iím sorry
you thought I didnít love you enough. Good-bye.

All content ©Glenda Poulter, 2012-2014.